THE BATTLE OF THE MAN BABIES RAGES ON

Trump Man Babies

We all know the media is obsessed with Trump, especially CNN. But why am I? Even after all that has happened? And my obsession is dark, it is negative, and it shows no signs of abating. There is nothing about the man I like. At all. Is there a psychological definition for someone who is obsessed with all things Trump? Can my own symptoms be described as some form of mental psychosis? If so then, dear reader, I most terribly afflicted.

But it seems I am not the only one. The website Quora asked Why Is Everyone Obsessed With Trump? and here are some of the responses:

If Obama didn’t have so much attention, it was because no one thought he was unstable enough to launch a nuclear war on the basis of a Tweet, or gullible enough to trust his gut over the data provided by seventeen intelligence agencies. Trump is a loose cannon.

Imagine you are in a room with a toddler and he has a loaded gun. Trump is that toddler…While we are all in that room we should all watch the toddler closely.

He’s the biggest circus to come to town in a century. How could we look away?

And it is not just adults who are afflicted. The journalist Annie Pfeifer describes how her 3 year old is also plagued:

My 3-year-old daughter is obsessed with Donald Trump…Who could blame her? He shared a first name with Donald Duck, and his last name rhymed with “jump,” her favorite activity. She was never able to pronounce Hillary Clinton, which evolved into “Hairy Clinton,” and then finally, “Mustache.” (I can’t pretend to follow a toddler’s logic, but it appears this was one more demographic with which Secretary Clinton failed to resonate.) – Annie Pfeifer, 20 Jul 2017, nytimes.com, from an article entitled Help! My 3-Year-Old Is Obsessed With Trump

So what has my obsession been up to these days? He has been doing his best John Wayne impression, hoping it scares off Kim Jong-Un. In the World War II movie Sands Of Iwo Jima (1949) John Wayne proudly declares “Lock and load.” Fast forward to 2017 and we have President Trump boasting from his New Jersey golf resort that “Military solutions are now fully in place, locked and loaded.”

At this precise moment the Battle Of The Two Man Babies is raging on, albeit verbally, with the self-declared leader of the free world and his Asian-lookey-likey trying to out-whack-a-doo each other. As we all seem to be dragged towards a nuclear zombie apocalypse, I thought it best to laugh while we still can. In that hopeful vein here are some rather satirical comments about Trump. Enjoy!

PS For more funny Trump quotes please see here and here.

Trump Breaking Alert

The nuclear age began this week in August, right around this time in 1945, when we dropped two bombs called Fat Man and Little Boy. And this week it came full circle with a different Fat Man and Little Boy. Oh yes, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un, if you haven’t read about it, are trying to see who has the bigger micropenis. That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? This whole conflict could be resolved by two hookers willing to lie. That’s all I’m saying…Also, they changed the hats. It says ‘Make America Glow Again’. – Bill Maher

Knowing this administration the nuclear launch code is probably ‘password’. – Bill Maher

Trump once said, and this is an actual quote, “We love the Bible. It’s the best. We love ‘The Art of the Deal’ but the Bible is far, far, far superior, right?” Not only is the Bible better than ‘The Art of the Deal’ it’s also the opposite. The only thing they have in common is that Trump has never read either of them. – Seth Meyers

Citizens around the world have been hugely relieved to know that the missiles and bombs which will end their lives will be fired not by mad terrorists from an armoured truck, but by responsible pilots carrying out the whims of a mad president. – from Private Eye magazine, Number 1442, 21 Apr 2017

Trump would hate church. It’s an hour of people talking about someone other than him. [Imitates Trump] “Is this whole thing gonna be about Jesus? Did you know he had zero hotels? True story. On the day he was born, he could not get a hotel reservation. It’s sad.” – Seth Meyers

He fulfills an important role of celebs: giving millions of people the chance to feel superior to him. The gloomy face and the antique adolescent hair, the mannequin wife and the clueless children of privilege, the sheer pointlessness of flying around in a 747 to say inane things to crowds of people — it’s cheap entertainment for us, and in the end it simply doesn’t matter. – Garrison Keillor

Voting for Trump is how a country commits political suicide. – Tony Kushner

To summarize: Spicer quit because of Scaramucci, who took down Priebus, who was replaced by Kelly, who took down Scaramucci. – tweet from Paul Farhi, 31 Jul 2017

There’s not enough Prozac to get through the day. – Al Gore, referring to living in the era of President Trump

In London last week, I met a Nigerian man who succinctly expressed the reaction of much of the world to the United States these days. “Your country has gone crazy,” he said, with a mixture of outrage and amusement. “I’m from Africa. I know crazy, but I didn’t ever think I would see this in America.” – Fareed Zakaria, 27 Jul 2017, before Priebus and Scaramucci were fired

A guy that shits in gold plated toilets is talking to blue collar workers. – from a CNN report

I said I would drain the swamp but then I clogged the drain with Goldman Sachs turds. – Trump, from the satirical TV program The President Show, 27 Jul 2017

I’m telling you guys, this White House, you can’t get this big a shit-show at 3am in Berlin…I love this White House so much. You know, most presidents would try to get their team all on the same page, but Trump has his team try every page. He’s like “Okay, you tell them we didn’t talk about pardons. You tell them we only talked about pardons. You tell them I died during the meeting. And I’m going to tweet that I’ve never met any of you guys. All right? Go!” – Trevor Noah, Jul 2017, referring to Trump’s lawyer and his communications director saying opposite things about discussing presidential pardons

The Trump presidency is the answer to the question: what would happen if The West Wing was written by Adam Sandler? – Nish Kumar

I have a very simple test for fairness: does this thing earn me money, make me look smart, or arouse me sexually? If the answer to any of those is no, totally unfair. – Trump, from the satirical TV program The President Show, Jul 2017

I make promises, and when I break them I make excuses. I make something out of absolutely nothing, like voter fraud. I can even make something into nothing, like climate change. Poof! Where did it go?! I make a spectacle of myself, the networks make a killing, and you make believe everything is going to be okay. And I don’t know, maybe it will. – Trump, from the satirical TV program The President Show, Jul 2017

Trump thinks impeachment means really enjoying a peach. – from BBC TV program The Mash Report

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