Recent blog posts have understandably been serious and ever so slightly disheartening. So here is a quick post of 14 funny-ish quotes, some of which are still somewhat relevant to current events.

There’s a few from the brilliant Paul Chowdhry. Enjoy!

Apparently we were all going to get wiped out by Ebola earlier this year, remember that? We were all supposed to get killed by Ebola. What happened to Ebola? As soon as a white guy caught it, they found a cure. [African accent] “Thank God for David. Billions of us dead. David catch it, we are saved now. He is our saviour.” – Paul Chowdhry

Everything Fox News says is a lie…Even true things, once said on Fox News, become lies. – from an episode of Family Guy

For all its claims to expose the truth, the internet seems to me this tremendous machine for spreading false information. There is this whole world of discourse about me, this whole persona that has been created on little fragments of quotations taken out of context. And I’m supposed to pay up by engaging with these idiotic platforms in order to set the record straight. And if I don’t, then my name will be blackened. I find that abhorrent. – Jonathan Franzen, author

I think gay marriage is wrong, because if gay marriage catches on, soon we’re going to have gay arranged marriages, and I don’t need that crap in my life. Your dads going to be like, [Indian accent] “I introduced you to 50 girls. You said no. Now bring the boys.” – Paul Chowdhry

I prefer good old fashioned American racism, because it’s in your face. You know where you stand with American racism…In England the racism is very much more underground, more subtle. It’s more insidious. You don’t even know you’re being discriminated against. It’s, “Oh! Hello. It’s so wonderful to meet you!” Smile. Smile. Smile. But then you leave the room, and they say, “We are never going to employ that woman.” – Gina Yashere

I travel on Virgin planes now, right. Problem is, when I travel abroad…Virgin planes you can phone up your people, tell them when you’re arriving at your destination, they’ve got phones on the planes. Problem is most of my family speak Punjabi abroad, so when I’m telling them I’m arriving I’ve got to tell them in Punjabi. I was on the plane, I was like, “I’m on, er, flight 749…” [HE SPEAKS PUNJABI] The guy next to me shit himself. He phoned up his wife and told her he loved her…and he might never see her again. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise…I started reading the Koran…I’m not even a Muslim! – Paul Chowdhry

Isn’t that why we fight, so we can end all fighting? – from the movie Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

I’ve disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch. I’ve got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the centre. The RCMP, CSIS, the FBI, CIA, MI5, MI6, NSA, and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I’ve never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month. – Anon

Terrorists are desperate assholes who see no institutionalized recourse to address their grievances, so they resort to random acts of violence in order to instill fear into the general population. – Ze Frank

Of course, we live in a completely corrupted world where every government is just a bunch of businessmen working for a bunch of bigger businessmen and none of them give a shit about the people. The sad fact is no one knows how to change it, because no one knows how to take on the corporations. So I guess we’re stuck with this system until the oil runs out. – Woody Harrelson

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives…I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it. – John Lennon

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. – Phylis Diller

You want 4 wives yet you can’t handle 5 prayers? – Anon

Finally, for people like Donald Trump and others, who want to stop Muslims from entering America and only wanting to let Christians in, here is a way to perhaps determine who is a Christian…

What’s the difference between Christmas and Boxing Day? If you don’t know, you’re obviously not a Christian. – Isy Suttie



Recently, as usual, much ado has been happening in the 1.5 billion plus Muslim world, but 2 main stories currently dominate the headlines: Trump and ISIS…


Donald “no longer funny” Trump has been making all sorts of outrageous comments since throwing his ‘Make America Hate’ hat into the presidential nomination ring. Most recently, he decided to place an indefinite ban on Muslims entering America, should he become commander in chief. Good luck with that Donald, let me know how that works out for you and all those Middle Eastern business ventures of yours.

The other headliners are ISIS who, after their abhorrent Paris massacre, continue to rampage through various parts of the Middle East, all in the name of the caliphate. Britain decided enough is well and truly enough and, after a Commons vote, are now openly bombing ISIS positions in Syria, whereas before they were probably covertly bombing ISIS positions in Syria.

Trump and ISIS, both are bad news for the majority of Muslims in their own ways, because both are desiring more division and more hate. Anyways, below are several links to various articles and videos related to Trump and ISIS, along with one or two others…

‘The Daily Show’ Calls Donald Trump ‘White ISIS’

Donald Trump is an extremist leader who came out of nowhere, he’s self-financed, recruits through social media, attracts his followers with a radical ideology to take over the world, and is actively trying to promote a war between Islam and the West…Donald Trump is White ISIS…WISIS! – Hasan Minhaj

Francis Ford Coppola comments about Islam…

The problems of the world, and it is heart breaking, it is heart breaking, but if you know the Quran, the first words of the Quran, the very first I believe are something like, “In the name of God, the Gracious and the Merciful, praise be to God, Lord of the Worlds, the most Gracious, the most Merciful, Master of the book of judgment.” They’re saying graciousness and mercy is what’s at the root…they repeated it twice in the first page. “It’s You we worship and You we ask, lead us to the straight path, the path of those You have blessed, not those against whom there is anger or who are misguided.” So anyone who knows this beautiful religion, this beautiful…that was the height of civilization in the 13th century, the Arab civilization that we had that gave us mathematics and science, everyone knows that at the root of that religion the two most important words are that God is Gracious and God is Merciful, and we trust to that God to deliver us from this misunderstanding that is doing these terrible things that are hurting people. God does not want people to be hurt, God is gracious, God is merciful. And that’s what I have to say. – Francis Ford Coppola, legendary director of the Godfather trilogy, Apocalypse Now, Dracula, and The Conversation, recently spoke at the Marrakech International Film Festival, where he spoke briefly about Islam, quoting the opening chapter of the Quran, Surah-Al-Fatiha

Princeton Imam: 5 Reasons Mainstream Muslims Reject ISIS

ISIS has made a mockery of the rules of fighting that were clearly established by the first Caliph Abu Bakr based on the Prophet Muhammad’s teachings that Muslim armies were forbidden from even cutting down fruit-bearing trees let alone killing innocents.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: What Donald Trump And ISIS Have In Common

There is never an excuse for people blindly following a leader who consistently lies to them, who exaggerates threats and who proposes remedies that are unconstitutional. It’s shameful enough that Trump’s solutions run contrary to American values, but it’s more shameful that his followers refuse to acknowledge it. Such brainwashed behavior is demeaning to them and harmful to the country.

The Muslims Who Shaped America – From Brain Surgeons To Rappers

What Trump doesn’t seem to grasp is his own country’s history, and how many American achievements worth celebrating are the work of the kind of people – Muslims – he wants to keep out…Muslims were part of the US from its very beginnings. Among those who served under the command of chief of the continental army, General George Washington, in the war against British colonialism were Bampett Muhammad, who fought for the Virginia Line between the years 1775 and 1783, and Yusuf Ben Ali, who was a North African Arab. Some have claimed that Peter Buckminster, who fired the gun that killed British Major General John Pitcairn at the battle of Bunker Hill, and later went on to serve in the Battle of Saratoga and the battle of Stony Point, was a Muslim American.

The Nightly Show – Donald Trump Isn’t Funny Anymore

This is a country that was founded by people who fled religious persecution. So banning people based on religion goes against the very fabric of this country. And by the way, when you become the president, you swear to uphold the constitution, and this is what the constitution is about.

2 Men Disguised The Bible As The Quran And Read It To People In The Street — And The Results Are Fascinating


By now we have all had time to reflect on the fact that the most romantic city in the world recently withstood its most violent attack for over 2 generations. One of the many talking points emerging from this chaotic tragedy is that of condemnation: should all Muslims everywhere condemn the attacks carried out in Paris in the name of Islam?

Whilst I have already blogged about this issue of condemning before, I feel it is important to perhaps say a few words regarding recent events. Therefore here are my reasons as to why the vast majority of Muslims should not be forced into issuing condemnations for such atrocious acts of wanton destruction…

1) ISIS are so not Islamic.

Yes, I have already blogged about this before, but here is a quote from Shaykh Muhammad Al-Yaqoubi, a direct descendant of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and one of the most respected Muslim scholars alive today, describing his views on ISIS:

My message to everyone is not to fall in the trap which these terrorists want us to fall in. That is to say they want actually to provoke a clash of civilisations. They want to turn the western governments against their Muslim populations, and they want also to provoke the Muslim populations against their governments. So I believe here we should stay united altogether against terrorism, against ISIS, because ISIS belongs to no religion. Although they use Islam but their religion is terror. So let’s not fall in the trap that these people represent Islam. We know that there are 1.5 billion Muslims around the world who denounce ISIS, who are against its ideology…These people do not belong to Islam, do not belong to religion, have no ethics at all, have fallen into this trap of barbarity. – Shaykh Muhammad Al-Yaqoubi, from an interview with CNN, 18 Nov 2015

Add to this the following quote from Shaykh Hamza Yusuf:

The idea that this has something to do with normative Islam is not acceptable. But as you know we are living at a time when Islam is whatever anybody who wants to says it is. This is the kind of nominalist attitude that a lot of modern people have. I don’t think we can say completely that it has nothing to do with Islam. Obviously these people are motivated by scripture, which is clear in their publications and things like that. But again it’s a type of Protestantism, and I am not talking about modern Protestantism, I am talking about when the Protestants revolted against Catholic tradition. This created the religious wars of the 17th and 18th centuries. We have a lot of people opening the Qur’an, finding verses in there that can be decontextualized or completely misunderstood, just like you can in the Bible. And these are unfortunately the realities of the age that we are living in. – Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, from an interview with Al Jazeera

ISIS Coexist

2) And anyway, what do you mean by ‘Muslim’?

What do you mean by the very generic groupist generalisation of ‘Muslims’? There are literally hundreds of millions of us around the world. We cover all nationalities, races, cultures, creeds. We cut across all time zones. We are not something that can easily be grouped together.

Muslims do not form a united, homogenous entity…Is it not blindingly obvious that it smacks of bigotry to blame an entire group of people numbering in their multi-millions for the actions of a misguided minority who falsely claim some kind of religious purity? – Roy Greenslade, from an article entitled Why It’s Wrong To Demand That Muslims Condemn Isis

3) What’s the point in Muslims condemning ISIS when many prominent non-Muslims still hold on to such horrible views about Islam and Muslims?

Nowhere is this more prominent than when you consider the current batch of Republican Presidential hopefuls, such as Ben Carson who has compared refugees to “rabid dogs”, and Jeb Bush who said that we should only accept refugees who can “prove” they are Christian (how you do that, Holy Ghost only knows).

But none of this compares with Republican front runner Donald Trump who has said that he would: approve waterboarding “in a heartbeat”, continues to claim he saw thousands of Muslims in Jersey cheering during 9/11 (he also said that after 9/11 “worldwide, Muslims were going wild”), failed to correct a questioner who said Obama was a Muslim, said he will know the difference between Hamas and Hezbollah “when it’s appropriate”, has called for mass surveillance of mosques, and has called for the tracking of Muslims in the US through special ID’s and a Muslim database (isn’t that similar to what the Nazis did in the late 1930’s with Jews in Germany?).

You then have the Sun newspaper falsely claiming that 1 in 5 Muslims in Britain (that’s some 600,000 people) support ISIS.

Never mind all that, I just can’t get my mind around this…

Two racist mums who urinated in front of a Muslim family as they prayed in a park have walked free from court. Drunken friends Natalie Richardson, 32, and Claire Farrell, 36, pulled down their underwear and squatted within metres of the Syrians while shouting racist abuse. The shocking incident happened in front of the Muslim family’s son and daughter, aged eight and ten, and six children who were with the racism mums. Richardson even pushed a bystander in the chest when he tried to intervene in the incident on a quiet Sunday afternoon. Despite describing their behaviour as “disgusting”, a judge imposed only suspended sentences on the pair at Plymouth Crown Court in Devon. – from metro.co.uk, 29 Nov 2015

Another reason why it may be pointless to ask majority mainstream Muslims to speak up about ISIS is summed up so poignantly in a tweet by Kash Ali:

I don’t understand why non-Muslims think we British Muslims can stop Isis, mate I can’t even get a text back from the girl I like and you expect me to stop a terrorist organization ffs. – Kash Ali

Add to this the fact that people just don’t want to listen to Muslims when we do actually condemn:

…some will still say they don’t hear these condemnations. I don’t doubt those people. The mainstream media is about ratings, meaning that bloodshed will be covered 24/7 while denunciations by Muslims will get little to no press. – Dean Obeidallah

4) Muslims are not just the perpetrators, they are also victims, they are also heroes.

Yes, the killers claimed to be Muslim, but this is a doubtful claim at best. But one certainty is that the vast majority of the victims of ISIS atrocities around the world are indeed Muslims, and Paris also saw its share of innocent Muslim blood, such as sisters Houda and Halima Saadi, Djamila Houd, Moroccan architect Mohamed Amine Ibnolmobarak, Kheireddine Sahbi, and Asta Diakité, the cousin of the French footballer Lassana Diarra who was playing in the friendly against Germany on that frightful Friday night.

Paris also saw a Muslim hero. Security guard Salim Toorabally, a 42-year-old Mauritian immigrant and devout Muslim, stopped suicide bomber Bilal Hadfi from entering the Stade de France, saving potentially dozens of lives. A French policeman said later that “It might just be that you have saved France.”

5) ISIS is not just a Muslim problem.

ISIS have a specific aim in mind, to get non-Muslims to hate Muslims so much that Muslims feel compelled to hate back, Muslims feel they have no choice but to join ISIS, a point made by Newsweek journalist Dean Obeidallah:

…we can’t allow ISIS to achieve its goal of framing this as a fight pitting Islam against the West. It’s not. It’s all of us versus ISIS. – Dean Obeidallah

Author Karen Armstrong adds further weight to the argument:

We cannot afford to allow our grief and outrage to segue into self-righteousness. This is not just the “Middle East problem”; it is our problem, too. Our colonial arrangements, the inherent instability of the states we created and our support of authoritarian leaders have all contributed to the terrifying disintegration of social order in the region today. Many of the western leaders (including our own Prime Minister) who marched for liberté in Paris after the Charlie Hebdo massacre were heads of countries that, for decades, have backed regimes in Muslim-majority countries that denied their subjects any freedom of expression – often with disastrous results. – Karen Armstrong, from the New Statesman

6) Are only us Muslims to blame?

Is it just only our fault? Do any non-Muslims not think that they should take some of the blame? Here’s a somewhat relevant point from Karen Armstrong, again from the New Statesman:

Western governments must understand that their nations bear considerable responsibility for the present crisis – Isis is, after all, the product of the ill-considered Iraq War. And, as long as we mourn only our own dead, we cannot escape the accusation – frequently heard in the developing world – that the West has created a global hierarchy in which some lives are more valuable than others. – Karen Armstrong, from the New Statesman

This concept of double standards is also self-evident in the following two quotes:

Quite apart from our mournful Afghan adventure and our utterly illegal 2003 invasion of Iraq, our aircraft have been bombing Libya, Iraq and Syria along with the aircraft of various local pseudo-democracies for so long that this state of affairs has become routine, almost normal, scarcely worthy of a front-page headline. The Saudis are bombing Iraq and Syria and Yemen. The Jordanians are bombing Syria. The Emiratis are bombing Yemen. And now the French are bombing the Syrian city of Raqqa even more than they bombed the Syrian city of Raqqa two months ago – when President François Hollande did not tell us that France was “at war”. The point, of course, is that we had grown so used to attacking Arab lands – France had become so inured to sending its soldiers and air crews to Africa and the Middle East to shoot and bomb those whom it regarded as its enemies – that only when Muslims began attacking our capital cities did we suddenly announce that we were “at war”. – Robert Fisk, from the Independent, 19 Nov 2015

While the West has been living lavishly for sixty years, consuming with such ferocity that the trajectory of the planet’s biosphere has been forever altered, the rest of the world has become angry, sick of it all and willing to do whatever it takes to produce a better way of life for themselves. Because after all of the promises made and broken by the World Bank, the IMF, the United Nations, the rest of the world has lost its patience. The Islamic State is but a beginning of the kinds of self-organizing that will occur once the latest round of pacifist, neo-political activism fails. The West is bloated, soft and decadent. This decadence will not last; it never has and never will. – from adbusters.org, 11 Nov 2015

7) The numbers, when put in perspective, suggest we shouldn’t have to.

Remember, one out every four people on this planet…is a Muslim. We represent 1.6 billion people, and rising. You cannot take these statistically insignificant numbers out there and extrapolate from that that somehow Islam is an evil religion. The Ku Klux Klan at point had over 5 million members. The Ku Klux Klan was a Christian terrorist organisation in the United States that terrorised African Americans. So people need to put things in perspective, and I really think people fail to put these things in perspective. – Sheikh Hamza Yusuf, from an interview with Al Jazeera

Another scary thing to put into some perspective is this: White supremacists are a bigger threat to the US than radical Islam.

8) Faisal Kutty has written a brilliant article where he says…

  1. Muslims have roundly condemned these vile criminal acts and terrorism in general
  2. Terrorists represent Islam no more than the KKK represents Christianity or other fringe groups represent their respective traditions
  3. Islam unambiguously opposes terror tactics — terrorism is not a religious ritual but a military strategy
  4. Muslims are the main victims of terrorists
  5. Terrorism is not a ‘Muslim thing’

9) Pigeons don’t have to condemn.

Two days after the Paris attack, Gare du Nord railway station in central Paris was briefly evacuated at around midday after a minor explosion. News eventually emerged that the “large bang and apparent flash of light” was actually caused by a pigeon electrocuting itself on a power line. Which led to this comment from Independent reader Dost Khan:

Have other pigeons condemned it?

10) Muslims such as Foday Darboe do not think that ISIS speaks for them.

ISIS does not speak for me nor do I share any iota of their twisted beliefs. ISIS poses a direct challenge to the principle and vision of Islam and a threat to humanity. To say ISIS is un-Islamic is an understatement. In essence, ISIS is an international band of thugs using religion and terror to rape, kill, and extort money. Arguably, ISIS and their sympathizers are willfully and pridefully ignorant. Of course, cognitive dissonance is difficult to overcome. The sad part is that ISIS followers truly believe they have the right interpretation of Islam. Thus, they have created some delusional reality where they ignore tolerance, acceptance, inclusion and coexistence—the core principles of the religion. – Foday Darboe

11) Finally, never forget what ISIS really are, and thus why Muslims should never feel compelled to have to condemn them…

ISIS Death