DIFFERENT QUOTES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS

Digging-In-The-Dirt

Look deep in your heart. Deeper. Keep going. Somewhere down there you will find a blog shaped hole. The bad news is this blog shaped hole in your heart is there because I have not written a blog post for a good few weeks, partially due to being busy but mainly due to being lazy and slightly middle aged. The good news is that I have just written this blog post that you are happily reading now so prepare to have your hole filled!

Sure, we can argue as to whether the blog shaped hole is actually in my heart rather than yours, but that is kind of missing the point. So, due to the underwhelming outcry that my lack of blogging has caused, please find below 21 quotes I came across recently that I hope you find as interesting as I did. I have tried to make them random and various, so there should be something there for everyone.

Also, as an added bonus I have thrown in a few cartoons from the always awesome and rather controversial cartoonist Mr Fish. Enjoy!

Customer-Is-Always-Right

Either Putin has something on Trump or Trump is just an idiot who got played. And honestly, I don’t know. What did we expect? This is what you get when put a KGB agent up against a KFC agent. – Trevor Noah, on the recent press conference in Helsinki between Trump and Putin

Everybody does better when everybody does better. – Jim Hightower

Governments have always sought to keep secrets and control the flow of information. The Internet threatens that power. Totalitarian systems such as China’s are dealing with the problem by exerting iron control over the Internet within their borders. By erecting a Great Digital Wall, China shields its secrets and makes their transmission difficult. America leans in the opposite direction. Our Internet is a wide-open Gomorrah that makes Vegas look like a Sunday school picnic. Trump is dealing with this uncontrollable flow of information by discrediting information across the board. Published secrets lose their sting if the public is unsure whether to believe them. Trump says one thing today and something different tomorrow. He veers wildly from topic to topic and crisis to crisis, recasting enemies as friends and friends as enemies. And he promotes conspiracy theories while disputing facts. The result is a gradual erosion of the public’s confidence in anything we hear. Sowing doubt and discrediting truth is destructive in the long term. Unfortunately, the digital age — so far, anyway — roars ahead heedless of consequences. It’s no wonder Trump fits in. – David Von Drehle

I can’t believe they cancelled Vivaldi after just four seasons. – tweet from @Holy_Mowgli

I describe my girlfriend as Amazonian, not because she’s tall but because she recommends things I might like based on my previous purchases. – Olaf Falafel

I grew up watching musicals. Miss Saigon, Oliver, Les Mis. Because there’s nothing upper class people like more than going to the theatre and watching other upper class people, dressed as working class people, singing about how hard it is not being upper class people. – Tom Houghton

I like watching Antiques Roadshow with my nieces, because I get to tell them that the old people in the background are ghosts trying to get their stuff back. – Jake Lambert

I love Scotland, it’s such a beautiful country. If only I could speak the language I’d move up there in a heartbeat. – George Rigden

I think people want to laugh about the things that make them similar, not what makes them different. I mean, the funniest part is always the part that everybody can connect with. – Michael Che

I’m a comedian who was committed to a mental hospital and grew up in a rural, isolated agricultural community. I am the definition of Funny Farm. – Juliette Burton

I’m very passionate about education and its power in changing lives and creating a better world, particularly for young people who come from the kind of background that I come from…Reading is something I’ve done a great deal of, particularly while researching my book Natives: Race And Class In The Ruins Of The Empire. And the more I learnt, the more I realised I needed to learn. I am feeling the weight of my own lack of knowledge, my own lack of understanding. – Akala, author and rapper

In 2016 the Democrats and the Republicans played a little game of chicken with each other, and the Democrats said to the Republicans “Oh, you cannot be so stupid as to vote for Donald Trump.” And they said “Don’t ever tell us how stupid we can be.” – Bill Maher

In my view America doesn’t even have an immigration problem. We have a “my life didn’t turn out the way I wanted to so I blame other people” problem. Oh that we have. The greatest con the Republicans ever pulled on working class Americans was convincing them that it was the immigrants and the single mom who were blocking their way to the American dream. – Bill Maher

Jokes about feminism often get 20% less than they deserve. – Adele Cliff

My dad caught me curing a piece of salmon. To teach me a lesson he made me smoke the whole packet. – Olaf Falafel

My dad loves his dog more than us. He makes it a roast chicken seasoned in herbs every Sunday, which is stupid as dogs have no concept of thyme. – Rachel Fairburn

Shame has its place. Shame is what you do to a kid to stop them running on the road. And then you take the shame away and immediately they’re back in the fold. You should never soak anybody in shame. It’s the prolonged existence of shame that then flips out into destructive rage. We can’t exist in that. It’s like treacle. – Hannah Gadsby

There is a massive consensus: we’re all agreed that the world is indeed fucked right now. Everyone knows that the American president is a ludicrous person. In this country (Britain) we’ve got two zombie political parties having a pretend show of political debate that’s never going to lead to anything. And Britain is going through this extraordinary act of sending itself to its room and not coming down as a show of…what? You shat your pants in front of the whole world and you’re sulking? It’s embarrassed by its own behaviour, frankly, and it’s a postcolonial sulk. Everybody’s just looking around, waiting for the embarrassment to fade. But Britain has this tradition of carrying on resolutely, because you’re committed to something, and is therefore locked into a position where it has to be seen to execute the absurdity it doesn’t want to go through with. These are desperate times. – Dylan Moran

Trump isn’t popular here in Scotland because we don’t trust anyone who can live to the age of 72. – Leo Kearse

What’s the best thing about being on your own? To be alone gives you the chance to lean into yourself. When we’re around other people, we’re being a performed version of ourselves that others bring out. It’s not always bad, it just grants you less time to observe yourself in your entirety. While it can feel scary to be alone, that might be because you’re not used to familiarising yourself with your own company. Get used to it! – Chidera Eggerue, social media star

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States. – Spike Milligan

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