14 FUNNY-ISH BUT STILL RELEVANT QUOTES

Recent blog posts have understandably been serious and ever so slightly disheartening. So here is a quick post of 14 funny-ish quotes, some of which are still somewhat relevant to current events.

There’s a few from the brilliant Paul Chowdhry. Enjoy!


Apparently we were all going to get wiped out by Ebola earlier this year, remember that? We were all supposed to get killed by Ebola. What happened to Ebola? As soon as a white guy caught it, they found a cure. [African accent] “Thank God for David. Billions of us dead. David catch it, we are saved now. He is our saviour.” – Paul Chowdhry

Everything Fox News says is a lie…Even true things, once said on Fox News, become lies. – from an episode of Family Guy

For all its claims to expose the truth, the internet seems to me this tremendous machine for spreading false information. There is this whole world of discourse about me, this whole persona that has been created on little fragments of quotations taken out of context. And I’m supposed to pay up by engaging with these idiotic platforms in order to set the record straight. And if I don’t, then my name will be blackened. I find that abhorrent. – Jonathan Franzen, author

I think gay marriage is wrong, because if gay marriage catches on, soon we’re going to have gay arranged marriages, and I don’t need that crap in my life. Your dads going to be like, [Indian accent] “I introduced you to 50 girls. You said no. Now bring the boys.” – Paul Chowdhry

I prefer good old fashioned American racism, because it’s in your face. You know where you stand with American racism…In England the racism is very much more underground, more subtle. It’s more insidious. You don’t even know you’re being discriminated against. It’s, “Oh! Hello. It’s so wonderful to meet you!” Smile. Smile. Smile. But then you leave the room, and they say, “We are never going to employ that woman.” – Gina Yashere

I travel on Virgin planes now, right. Problem is, when I travel abroad…Virgin planes you can phone up your people, tell them when you’re arriving at your destination, they’ve got phones on the planes. Problem is most of my family speak Punjabi abroad, so when I’m telling them I’m arriving I’ve got to tell them in Punjabi. I was on the plane, I was like, “I’m on, er, flight 749…” [HE SPEAKS PUNJABI] The guy next to me shit himself. He phoned up his wife and told her he loved her…and he might never see her again. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise…I started reading the Koran…I’m not even a Muslim! – Paul Chowdhry

Isn’t that why we fight, so we can end all fighting? – from the movie Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

I’ve disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch. I’ve got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the centre. The RCMP, CSIS, the FBI, CIA, MI5, MI6, NSA, and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I’ve never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month. – Anon

Terrorists are desperate assholes who see no institutionalized recourse to address their grievances, so they resort to random acts of violence in order to instill fear into the general population. – Ze Frank

Of course, we live in a completely corrupted world where every government is just a bunch of businessmen working for a bunch of bigger businessmen and none of them give a shit about the people. The sad fact is no one knows how to change it, because no one knows how to take on the corporations. So I guess we’re stuck with this system until the oil runs out. – Woody Harrelson

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives…I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it. – John Lennon

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. – Phylis Diller

You want 4 wives yet you can’t handle 5 prayers? – Anon


Finally, for people like Donald Trump and others, who want to stop Muslims from entering America and only wanting to let Christians in, here is a way to perhaps determine who is a Christian…

What’s the difference between Christmas and Boxing Day? If you don’t know, you’re obviously not a Christian. – Isy Suttie

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